Scenes from a dormitory.
from The Common Room
The play is set in a dorm room at a university in New York City. The action of the play takes place in the common room of the suite, which is shared by the three boys. JAMIE, PAUL, and ROBERT all have their own rooms surrounding the common room. There is also a bathroom, of which only the door can be seen. It is their first year.
April.
PAUL is shirtless, flossing. ROBERT (drunk) corners him a bit.
ROBERT
Hey, Paul, can I ask you something?
PAUL
You’re drinking again.
ROBERT
No I’m not.
PAUL
Ok. Ask away.
ROBERT
Like here? Is that ok? Where we are?
PAUL
(Confused)
Yes, that’s fine!
ROBERT
I’m not trying to say anything . . . or, to mean anything in particular by this, but . . . and it’s really not something I think . . . well—
PAUL
Go ahead, Robert.
ROBERT
You aren’t gay, are you?
PAUL
(A little amused)
No . . .
ROBERT
Ok what does that mean?
PAUL
It means I’m not attracted to men. I mean, I think they can be good looking, but I’m not attracted to them.
ROBERT
Ever?
PAUL
Ever.
ROBERT
Come on, everyone’s at least a little bisexual.
PAUL
I suppose. Listen, you know if I was attracted to men I wouldn’t hide it. Besides, why would I lie to you?
ROBERT
I don’t know, why would you?
PAUL
What’s that supposed to mean?
ROBERT
No no, I’m not saying that I . . . that you—
PAUL
I know. It’s fine. I’ve actually tested it.
ROBERT
What?
PAUL
No, I mean. Not actually. But I’ve let myself get close to a man and felt nothing.
ROBERT
Really.
PAUL
Yeah.
ROBERT
Like how close?
PAUL
Well it was at this interactive dance-theater thing where they pull you into rooms sometimes, and he like danced all around me, and was really good looking, and kissed me on the neck.
ROBERT
And . . .
PAUL
And I felt nothing. It was fun because of the dancing, but I did not want him to come any closer. And one time it happened with one of the girl actors, and that was fun.
ROBERT
But you never actually kissed him.
PAUL
No.
ROBERT
So—
PAUL
So I’m not attracted to men. What more do you need?
ROBERT
Ok ok! You know I didn’t ask you because I—
PAUL
Yeah yeah! Of course. Do you consider yourself bisexual?
ROBERT
I’m with you, I think. I mean I find men good looking, but—
PAUL
I’ve seen you kissing guys before.
ROBERT
Yeah, but that’s because they want to.
PAUL
Expand.
ROBERT
I’m really not that attracted to guys, but I, when I can tell that they really want to do something, when I can tell that I will give them pleasure, then I feel guilty not providing that for them.
PAUL stops flossing. He looks at ROBERT.
I mean, I don’t dislike it. But it’s for them.
PAUL throws away his floss.
PAUL
Wow. Ok. Really?
ROBERT
Yeah, I mean that whole thing with Patrick. That was that kind of a situation. I just wanted to see him happy.
PAUL
Alright. I understand that.
ROBERT
(Frames as a joke)
So, then, what are you and Jamie?
PAUL
Friends.
ROBERT
You’re more than that.
PAUL
Really good friends?
ROBERT
No.
PAUL
Yes! Again, why would I hide this from you?
ROBERT
I don’t know. Sorry for asking. You guys just seem like . . . I mean I sense a lot of sexual tension there.
PAUL
That’s funny. I guess we’re just cuddly friends?
ROBERT
Yeah. Whatever you say!
PAUL goes to the bathroom and rinses his mouth. ROBERT goes into his room. PAUL comes out, and goes into his room.
Time passes.
PAUL and JAMIE are in the common room. ROBERT walks out, sober.
ROBERT
Oh . . . um . . . what’s up guys?
PAUL
Can we talk for a moment?
ROBERT
Yeah, of course.
He sits, facing them.
What’s up?
PAUL
We’ve grown really worried about your drinking. Both of us.
JAMIE
And it’s not about us. It’s about you, your health.
ROBERT
Ok . . .
JAMIE
It’s not like you’re partying with friends. This is the kind of drinking that hurts your body . . .
PAUL
Yeah, and I hate more than anything to see this genius kid that I genuinely believe I am friends with get taken over by this stuff. It’s like a demon.
ROBERT
A demon. Really?
PAUL
Not like that, you know what I mean.
ROBERT
I don’t. Elaborate.
PAUL
Are you aware—god, I hate to say this—are you aware that you have, in a stupor, tried to hit me?
ROBERT
(Distraught, worried)
What!?
JAMIE
He was trying to get you to bed.
ROBERT
When was this?
PAUL
Last night.
ROBERT
Oh my god . . . I . . . I . . .
JAMIE
You were drunk.
ROBERT
I am so sorry . . . You know I would never want to hurt you guys . . .
PAUL
I know. I know that more than I know anything. And dude, I get it. The drinking, I mean. I get it. I understand the need for an off switch. Is it anything more than that?
ROBERT
No.
PAUL
When I was like thirteen, I went to Ireland. We stayed in this musty old house in the middle of nowhere, and at this point I had no real place in my school, I didn’t know what was going on, I felt lost and uncontrolled. I felt like there was no reason behind my every breath and moreover that there needed to be one. I didn’t know there were off switches. I didn’t know there were ways to turn off the questions. So I, I don’t know. I showered. I showered and I slept. I showered three times a day. I couldn’t think of another way to do things. I cried, lying on my mom’s leg, for an hour. I couldn’t explain to her why. I couldn’t go to the basement to watch a movie with my sister. I couldn’t bear to look at a TV screen. Something about the voices, the movement, the sucking-in . . . What I mean to say is, I understand that walking down the hallway can feel like some sort of infinite void. I get it. But it doesn’t have to be that way. There are times in one’s life where things don’t make sense.
ROBERT
How? How can it not be that way?
JAMIE
I’m so sorry, guys, but I really have to go to class.
PAUL
Jamie.
JAMIE
(Trying to hold back tears)
Paul.
He exits. He looks back on them as he leaves.
PAUL
Is there no other off switch? Have you tried weed?
ROBERT
I mean, I’ve smoked my fair share. But it makes me nervous.
PAUL
Uh huh. Here’s the thing. I think that you have such incredible brilliance and it hurts to see you destroyed. I mean, I don’t want to sound selfish, but it’s fucking impossible to come in here and fall asleep right away.
ROBERT
What do you—?
PAUL
It makes people toss and turn. It’s not a safe space here.
ROBERT
I don’t get it—
PAUL
I don’t know.
ROBERT
Just say it.
PAUL
You’re in here with strange people doing strange things and I don’t know when I last went into our bathroom without bracing myself for the possible throw up or . . . or . . .
ROBERT
Or what?
PAUL
Or you. Passed out, on the bathroom floor. It’s not out of the ordinary, Robert. And that’s what can’t continue.
ROBERT
It’s incredible how fucking unperceptive I am. For all the smart-sounding shit I say, I don’t notice that you guys . . . notice me.
PAUL
I mean, I admit this whole situation is fucked. You didn’t choose who you’re with. The fact that you’re in a single.
ROBERT
Right!? I mean this fucking place. I can’t take it, Paul. The corners. The right angles. There’s something . . . deeply . . . darkly . . . disturbing about this room. Something I can’t quite . . .
PAUL
I know, Robert. It’s fucking chaos, I understand that. But you can’t just blame it on—
ROBERT
No, no, it’s not chaos. Chaos is bullshit. Everything can be predicted.
PAUL
Well, yeah, I totally ag—
ROBERT
I mean, when a bear steps on a log in the forest, and sixteen million reactions happen in a millisecond,—
PAUL
They can all be boiled down to sixteen million equations.
ROBERT
Yeah, exactly!
PAUL
But we can’t find those.
ROBERT
Yeah, but they’re not random.
PAUL
It’s outside the capability of our consciousness to prove that they are not random. That’s why we call it chaos.
ROBERT
Right . . . well . . . Exactly! You get me.
PAUL
But look, sometimes, I think, Robert, it’s not useful to us to question things whose answers are beyond our understanding.
ROBERT
It’s hard, sure, but it’s part of—
PAUL
It can be depress—
ROBERT
Dude, I’m not depre—I mean, I guess I am—I mean, you know this, I think humans are the most beautiful things in the world. I am fascinated that we monkeys are asking these questions to each other right now—
PAUL
We are just monkeys.
ROBERT
And yet we wonder about atoms and universes.
PAUL
Well. I think that’s wonderful.
ROBERT
Me too, Man, me too.
He shifts in his chair.
So what do you want me to do?
PAUL
I don’t know. Stop drinking? I can’t tell you what you need to tell yourself.
ROBERT
I don’t know what to tell myself.
PAUL
Then I don’t know what to tell you.
Time passes.