The Art Of Survival is a collection of biographical and sometimes fantastical digital art and music that represents what survival feels like for me, a kid from Newark NJ, when I removed myself from my family, living on my own during my junior and senior year of college. 

Each experience was a novel attempt in expressing my experience. I had no skill with digital art prior to starting with these stories. I downloaded Instagram and just started creating with visuals, some of my music, and music that mattered to me in the moment. 

The story overall tries to get at how unprepared I was for life, and how I piece together whatever I can in the moment that things are happening to gain some experiential understanding of what’s happening. The portfolio demonstrates four layers of experience, as a human being who didn’t learn well enough how to take care of himself, physically, emotionally, mentally, or energetically, as an underveloped man who didn’t know how to stand up for himself, as a community member who was always too fearful to bring himself to the spaces that he longed to go to, and as a former lover, who sought to control someone else to placate my own anxieties and fears. 

The story is one of generational curses and is my attempt at trying to understand and grow into the person I want to become: an artist, a leader, a better lover, and a better person.

 

1.  I lost • but in that I won.

 

FOUNDATION #1

I don’t need any of you

to be me.

FUCK YOUR WHITE GOVERNMENTAL

FASCISTIC TRAINING.

I’LL DIE FOR MYSELF.

 

2. didn’t think I would be here.

 

3. Made Me Confused

!!!TOGETHER!!!

Always confused. Always forgotten. Always an estranged memory but then again who ever remembers me? Who has the time? I’m alone. I could die. At any moment. Such short notice. One train a day. Three trains now. Fight my forgotten. Don’t stretch it out. Don’t break down. You’re a machine. You’re a monster. Twelve push-ups now. Who could need you. You got twenty-one responsibilities and you still don’t know how? To love. I don’t understand the problem. I don’t understand how I’m not aware enough to handle gossip. I was a lonely kid. And now I got a heart? And it’s throbbing? Seeking peace pain don’t mean I’m ceased. I could keep going if you would swallow it down and let me. Why can’t I? own? up? How come I’m not a man! I fought some battles. I’ve made some demands. But we have to leave and separate. Otherwise the same fate will always be the same fate. There’s more pain waiting for you on the other side. Goodbyes.

¡¡¡ALONE¡¡¡

I found it. Hi, here I am again to tell you that I miss you but I can’t handle any situation where I’m the one held responsible for my decisions because I love myself. If only you saw it from my perspective you would see how I’m the victim and how she hurt me the most.
You know how this goes All-Ready.

Two people hurt and then someone’s making spaghetti. Time clicks on until the pain breaks you down. Till you can’t fight it now. You wonder why these words survive and I can’t recall them at ease. It’s easier to be authentic and myself when there’s no one judging me.

Who’s judging you?

You know woman, what they gonna do. See someone like me and think little.

Are you talking about you?

Huh? Who, me?

Yes, you. This ain’t ready.

~GRIEVING~

Man I hate bleeding. That’s why I don’t like feeling.

<60% water>

But that also makes me a loner and that’s something that I have never been able to handle.

I guess I got to blame myself now.

Wow.

I’m alive.

It’s on me to heal my heart.

Wow.

 

4. No Home

Painful emotions don’t go anywhere, 

No matter how long you avoid them, 

they still persist,

and all that emotional charge

can get stuck on carpets and walls.
Thank you 21 Roseville Avenue. 

 

5. didn’t think it was OK to say things

 

6. STAY OR FALL:

My Messiah nature takes hold of me.

Visions of doors opening for the first time.

Drunken wails in half empty bar halls. 

Men of broken dreams take center stage. 

Dance now among those robbed of love in the name of love. 

Laugh wholeheartedly while singers scream,

“EPOCH OF THE OCEAN CARRERS. 

FEED ME POISON AND ILL HAVE YOU ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEATS.”

We’re black. 

We’re blank. 

We’re lost. 

Welcome home. 

 

Three years time, we’ll all be free. 

And I’ll have what I’m wishing for.

 

8. it’s all good though

 

9. Push Me, Again, This Project isn’t -:

I have my issues, 

but at least you knew them,

Push me again, why don’t you, 

one more. 

 

10. Pretty Stars Demo, Finished:

So much for so little 

look up and you can imagine 

a bitter reality.

 

11. You’re Not Alone

12. SCRAPS AFTER HEARTBREAKS:

Move away from your pain at all costs/it wasn’t worth the stress and obedience. 

 

Who are you in this world/seeking savage moments of clarity and confusion. Car full of weed activating my judgmental dillusions. 

 

I’ll be the one to take the pain and keep moving. My biggest issue was being quiet about it, I guess I ended that, I was acting so stupid. 

 

“Who’s him?,”—-> fuck him, HOW YOU DOING ?

Conversations like this got me doubting myself. 

 

People were making me out to be an enemy when I just wasn’t speaking up for me. I was nervous and afraid and there’s no excuse for that *deleted* shit inside, I’m just a sensitive guy, my intentions were pure. 

 

I don’t really care what your experience was. I don’t really care about your friends or my friends and their opinion. Either way I’m here today. MAKING AND CREATING MUSIC THATS GONNA GO GET ME *deleted*

 

Love prevails and lessons learned. This won’t be happening again. Until I drop the next video. See you until then, babayh.

 

13. Day 4

14. NO FEAR • (PROD. @east303buddy)

Fear is poison 

pain and pleasure

Some people get off on it

I try to stay away. 

Only place I’m comfortable is isolation. 

Truthfully. 

 

I’m alive. 

 

The isolation project is an amalgamation of digital art and music that I, Angel Suero, created while living alone in my own apartment during the years of 2021 – 2023. I didn’t trust any of my tight-knit family to lean on, I broke up with my long term girlfriend in a grim and messy way, and I had removed myself from many of the mutual friends we shared. I was completely alone for the first time in my own life and that was as immensely scary as it was eye-opening to who I really am.